A Bandanna Message

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

It's time to wake up. It's time to ride my bike. It's 4:30 am, and I have to get out of my warm bed and go out into the cold air. As I feel the first sign of sweat running down my face into my eyes, down my legs, and onto my bike,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

I've gone about 50 miles, my muscles are burning, the heat from the sun is intense, my face is on fire, and I can't push myself into another gear, I think to myself,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

When each hill gets longer, harder, steeper to climb, and i feel I can't make it over another hill, I say to myself,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

When I've just had it for the day, 65 miles have passed, I've stopped to fix another flat tire, I am tired, hungry, and I don't know why I've committed to this ride, I think to myself,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

When it's cold, windy, and it starts to rain, and I bitch about how dirty my bike will get, DAMN! I've fallen (new clipless pedals), now my new jersey is dirty as well. When is this day going to end? And then that thought pops into my head again,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

My hands and feet are numb, my legs feel like Jello-O. My back and neck burn with the aches and pains of being on my saddle too long, this rash is uncomfortable, and now I think I am going to go crazy. What am I going to do? I've lost my focus...and then that thought occurs to me,

I can't imagine...what it must feel like to have AIDS.

I've ridden 75 miles, I have 25 more miles to go, and I don't know if I can make it. Each breath and pedal stroke that I take gets harder and harder, my body says no, I can pedal no longer, but a thought crosses my mind....

I know deep down in my heart that there is this inner strength that flows through my body. It comes from my family, it comes from my friends, and it comes from the Men, Women and Children who are living and dying from AIDS related diseases. 

The reality is clear, I can see now, there are No Hills, No Hot Sun, No Wind, No Cold Rain, No Burning Muscles, No Body Aches or Pains that will hold me back from keeping the Faith and Commitment to myself and others. I will continue to ride mile after mile, I will continue to ride hill after hill.

For I do not know what it must feel like... to have AIDS.

Source: this was written by Doreen, one of the veteran riders who has been doing the AIDS Lifecycle or the past 17 years. She put it on a bandanna and she sells it as a fundraising tool. I bought one from her because the message resonated with me. This ride is going to be HARD, but there is purpose behind it, and if I can remember that, I will be fine.

Last "official" training ride

Today I got up and did my last official training ride with the "Chain Gang" at Griffith Park. We took it pretty easy and did just a 24 mile ride and then they presented a packing demonstration. This was my first ride in two weeks after being sick. It sort of hurt my lungs and sinus and I felt the lack of riding.  However, a couple of things I realized about myself on this ride:

• I need at least 10 miles to get warmed up and for my muscles to relax and get into the groove of the ride.
• I am SLOW. I really am slow, so I am going to have to watch my time on the ride. I am be no means the slowest, but neither am I in the lead. I am securely in the middle.
• I do much better when I am behind someone so I can match my cadence to theirs. I don't like to be in the lead.
• I am horrible at navigating and using those vague route maps. Refer to the insight above...I do much better when behind someone.
• My brain holds me back more than my body. I freak out when I see hills, but when I let go and just keep pedaling I do okay.
• I have adopted the mantra "ENJOY THE SCENERY" which is advice from Ryan. I have a tendency to watch the road instead of looking up, and that is no way to see California.

This was a good ride, although it made me feel fully unprepared. It was the last time I will be on the bike with other ALC riders until next Sunday. It was good to be with friends. It was incredibly sunny and hot that day. I got a bit sunburned which is good as the tan lines from my shorts evened out a bit.

The packing demonstration was especially helpful and we had some good laughs as veterans talked about their past experiences. The most shocking moment (to me) was when he advised us NOT to bring underwear. LOL. Said it takes up too much room and we need to allow ourselves to "air out". It is a great group of people I will be traveling with. Although I never feel quite ready, it is time for the training to end and the ride to begin.

Two Weeks

I got sick. Great timing, right? I didn't ride for two weeks. Ugh! Great timing...

The Burbank "B"

I am writing this a couple of weeks after the fact, but wanted to document the experience nonetheless.

On Saturday, Ryan and rode from the apartment up the LA River to Burbank. Once there we started up the hill towards our destination...the ultimate canyon road.  Ryan had been there once before and assured me it was beautiful and worth the ride.

Please note: I am wearing my new ladies shorts for the first time in this picture. Yes, i have a HORRIBLE tan line, and I assume I will have many more before this ride is over.

I made him stop sooo many more times than he wanted to as it was all uphill from that point on, but we finally got half way there and saw an amazing LDS Church. It was Spanish-style architecture and beautiful. Just down the street there was a monument tht explained it use to be a country club, but was bought by the Church when a new one was erected. This is a picture of the archway up the remainder of the canyon. I agreed with Ryan that it was a beautiful entrance to HELL which was to be the remainder of the ride. 

The next few miles were part of a peaceful, switchback canyon road. It really felt like another world. The homes were all very unique and eclectic (especially the one dubbed the "crayon house" due to the colors of the shingles) and with the foliage, it felt a lot like Utah. It was really beautiful.

Please note: it took me about as long to get up this canyon as it had to do the entirety of the rest of the ride. I swear, Ryan's patience was really tested on this particular ride. I AM SLOW! lol. I am sooo, slow... I think at one point I threated his life if we ultimately hit the Burbank "B" on the mountian, which was not too far away.

Here is a picture of me at the end. My nostrils are flared from lack of oxygen. Ryan says it was the anger...either way...I finally hit The End of the road.   

This is one route I am going to have to try again. It was beautiful, challenging, 35 miles and 1144 calories burned. A really great day!

Packing

With the ride 2 weeks from today...my thoughts have turned to packing. For anyone interested in what we take for 7 days of riding and 6 nights of camping...this is a great visual website breaking it down.

http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/5022375_YU9bf#301504149_e3tWy

70 lbs for everything I need...my new motto: SIMPLIFY!

Solana Beach Ride

My first Century ride (turned out to be 91 miles actually)...

We had to be in Irvine which is 45 minutes away from downtown LA at 6am. It was an early, early morning after a really, really late night. So, a little Sugarland was appropriate to help wake us up as we drove to the meeting point (“his dark eyes dared me with danger, and sparks flied like flame to a paper…”). Once there we scrambled to listen to the safety speech, sign in, use the restroom and get on the road before the 91 mile route closed. It was COLD! I didn't feel it so much until we started cycling, at which point my muscles tightened up and let me know they were not quite ready to be moving.

We started out passing the strawberry fields which smelled amazing...and then the climb began. Over the next 20 miles or so we continued on an upward trajectory. I was pretty slow. In fact at one point I saw a snail on the road and thought "well cindee, if he can do it...so can you." Even though my time sucked, I continued to ride and enjoy the beautiful scenery. This is a picture Ryan took of me (yes, I am in the very back) as we climbed the hill.

The hills and mountains reminded me so much of home (Utah). It was really incredible to smell the crisp clean air, have the morning sun in my eyes and just be on my bike. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard and I was slow, but it was well worth the climb. Here is a picture of a Christmas tree farm we saw along the road. First time I’ve seen one. The baby trees were so adorable. 

We were almost to (what I thought was) the top when we reached the first rest stop at mile 25. It was sort of a biker hang-out. Both cyclists and motorcyclist rest before continuing on the route. I may have to go back to buy some leather gear when I become a biker chic. We were right at 9am at this point and had to keep going or we weren’t going to make it to the next stop in time.

Side note: Ryan’s knee started hurting at around mile 15. We aren’t sure why, but he was a real trooper to push through it like he did. I would have never made these hills on a bum knee. Major kudos t him.

Then we encountered the hill of all hills. If you remember Hawthorne and how much I hated that…this one beats it, hands down. It wasn’t that it was long, but the incline was hellish. I really struggled up the hill having to stop multiple times. Here is a picture of me struggling to the top.

However, the climb was all worth it. Ryan told me his favorite part was just after the hill…and I heartily agree. The downhill switchbacks through the tree tunnel were amazing. I would do it all over again just for that moment. It was breathtaking.

We continued on the route until we got to mile 50 for the second pit stop. Ryan and I got to talk a lot along the way and just enjoy being outside together. The only down point was that the SAG crew was right behind us most of the way. I felt a little pressured to go faster than I was ready to, but one way or the other we made it down the mountain and towards the cost. This is a picture somewhere along this stretch.

From the second pit stop to lunch was 9 miles. They were a long 9 miles as my energy was pretty zapped at this point. I was looking forward to some food and time to sit down and recover. That didn’t exactly happen. We encountered a surfing competition; we rode through mils of residential areas and ultimately followed a parking lot near the water towards our destination. When we got there only one peanut butter and jelly sandwich remained. Myself and another guy were the only ones left who hadn’t eaten. Me being the martyr I am (or overly generous as Ryan would say) gave up the sandwich and settled for a power bar and banana. I was not looking forward to the next 17 miles through Camp Pendleton, but onward we went.


Camp Pendleton was totally uneventful, and I’m not even sure if it is habituated. I expected some great eye candy scenery with men running in formation or uniforms or something. Nada. We saw nothing along this stretch and I would have been happy to skip it. SAG was again right on my tail so I was getting pretty annoyed at this point. I know the time constraint was just due to the need to make our return train, but I was bugged beyond belief. Ryan felt it too so I wasn’t the only unreasonable one.


When we got to the next pit stop, everyone was gone and ahead of us. I was completely worn out and Ryan’s knee was really a constant pain now. It was 2:30 and we had until 3:30 to get the bikes in. One hour to go 13 miles…we decided to give it our best shot. We hydrated and hit the road for the final stretch. We got to mile 80 before we had to call SAG to pick us up. Time had run out. I’m not going to lie…I was pretty bummed out that we hadn’t finished. However, I felt a lot better when Ryan explained that had I been on the actual ride I would have had 3 more hours to complete the last 11 miles for the day. I know I could have done that, so it was a timing thing not a physical thing that kept us from completing the route.


After we dropped our bike at the truck, we headed to Pizza Port to get our lunch. It felt good to change clothes and wash my face. Made all the difference actually… We got our lunch and went to the train station to eat and pick up our tickets. It felt so good to sit down and just chat for a bit before heading home. Ahhh, Solana beach…

Without going into detail (because this blog is already hecka long) we had an eventful train ride home, surrounded by California crazies, and then made it back to LA at around 7pm. It was a long day, but I had such a great time. I really loved sharing it with Ryan, being outside, and realizing that I can complete that monumental task with very little recovery time the next day.

I did get sunburned (again) with 3rd degree burns that blistered and are still peeling (HELLO CINDEE, MEET SUNSCREEN), but otherwise was fine. I need to figure out the best way to keep my energy up during the ride (HELLO CINDEE, MEET BREAKFAST) and push through some lingering mental barriers, but it was a great experience! PEACE!

P.S.did you notice my new $10 jersey? There is a cute frog on the back...sorta dorky, but colorful. ha!

The Denver Principles

I read another interesting aritcle on the early day of HIV/AIDS and the people who have actively helped to bring about change. I have included a small portion of that article written by By Mark S. King here, as it impressed me.

It was 1983. Just a year prior, Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome became the fearful nameplate for the murderer of gay friends and lovers. The virus that caused it, HIV, had only been identified a few months earlier. Amidst this atmosphere of unremitting grief and fear, a group of activists met in Denver as part of a gay and lesbian health conference. Among them, a dozen men with AIDS. They were about to do something that would change our response to AIDS -- and health care in general -- forever.

As the conference drew to a close, the activists asked to address the attendees. Rather than having a report presented about the state of the AIDS crisis, they wanted to speak for themselves. If the word "empowerment" hadn't yet been a part of the health care lexicon, it was about to be.

The group took turns reading a document to the conference they had just created themselves, during hours sitting in a hospitality suite of the hotel. It was their Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence rolled into one. It would be known as The Denver Principles, and it began like this:

"We condemn attempts to label us as 'victims,' which implies defeat, and we are only occasionally 'patients,' which implies passivity, helplessness, and dependence upon the care of others. We are 'people with AIDS.'"

A full copy of The Denver Priciples can be found here: http://www.actupny.org/documents/Denver.html

In the 27 years since these principles were first introduced, many of these principles have become common practices, and they have provided a foundation for progress in treating people with HIV/AIDS with respect and humanity. We have come so far, but there is still much to do….

Divine Design

The other night I was feeling pretty anxious about the ride, and mentioned to a couple friends "we'll see how the century ride goes this weekend...if it is bad I may have to break my leg so I don't have to go on the actual ride."  Now, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN IT (for all of you donors -- I would never let you down like that), but that is how I was feeling at the moment; really, really anxious and not really looking forward to going.

The next day upon getting to work, a lady named Caroline popped her head in and said "hey, I heard you were doing the AIDSLifecycle ride...I'm going too as a roadie."  We spend the next hour talking about it and swaping insights. Turns out she rode last year as a cyclist and this year is going to be a volunteer roadie as part of the Water Stop crew. That just happens to be where I was last year so I had some tips for her as well. It is like our ALC lives swapped. Crazy!

After that discussion I was so infused with excitement. I CAN'T WAIT TO GO NOW!! It may sound strange to some, but I really think there is some divine design in that conversation. It came at the right moment, from the right person, and had just the right effect on me. Bring on the ride!!